Joey's The Name
by Renee the Rabid Squirrel
Summary: *one shot songfic* Tristan walks into an ice cream parlour and finds Mai Valentine in tears. She was dating Joey... but someone stole him! Who did it? How much ice cream can Mai eat? Will Tristan figure it out? Read and see!


A/N: I thought I'd do a one shot parody... don't get me wrong, I LOVE Elvis music, but I figured the words were just perfect... with a few minor adjustments... for a humourous Yu-Gi-Oh story. Let me know what you think and go listen to (Marie's the Name) His Latest Flame by Elvis Presley if you get the chance.  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Mai... what's wrong?"  
  
Tristan had just walked into an ice cream shop when he saw Mai sitting on a barstool, with bloodshot eyes and a HUGE sundae in front of her. He figured it was either PMS or troubles with Joey, her current boyfriend.  
  
Tristan sat down, worried because Mai didn't even seem to notice him as she cried into her dish, which wasn't just any old sundae, but a banana split smothered in fudge and peanuts, not to mention Neopolitan ice cream.  
  
"...Mai?"  
  
The wavy haired girl sighed, then swung around on her barstool and proceeded to tell Tristan of the horrible event that had taken place.  
  
"A very old friend... came by today."  
  
"How come?"  
  
"'Cause he was telling everyone in town... about the love that he just found."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
Mai slammed her fist on the table, causing a pepper shaker to fall in the floor.  
  
"And Joey's the name... of his latest flame."  
  
"I thought you two were going out!"  
  
"WERE being the key word here Tristan."  
  
"I'm sorry... How the heck did this happen?"  
  
Mai slumped on the barstool and fell off, knocking Tristan into a garbage can in the process. As the other customers guffawed, Tristan brushed off the ice cream, cones and sprinkles that were on his shirt to the best of his ability.  
  
"So Mai... eww, pralines and cream... I hate that flavour. Care to explain?"  
  
"He talked and talked... and I heard him say... that he had the softest honey hair, the prettiest gold eyes anywhere."  
  
"Oh man."  
  
"And Joey's the name... of his latest flame."  
  
She turned to Tristan and then looked down, suddenly becoming interested in the floor patterns.  
  
"Though I smiled the tears inside were a-burning, I wished him luck and then he said goodbye. He was gone but still his words kept returning."  
  
"Wait a sec... he? Since when did Joey like guys?"  
  
Mai wasn't listening, she was pouring salt on her dessert and eating it, making Tristan blanch at the sight.  
  
"What else was there for me to do but cry?"  
  
"That's gotta suck. Is there anything I can do?  
  
Tristan was at a loss for words, when suddenly Mai grabbed onto his shoulders, looked him straight in the eye and sobbed out her sob story.  
  
"Would you believe... that yesterday... this boy was in my arms and swore to me, he'd be mine eternally? And Joey's the name... of his latest flame."  
  
"Whose latest flame?"  
  
Mai wouldn't answer, she was too busy shovelling ice cream into her mouth and tyring to order a milkshake in the process. Normally Mai was determined, independent, strong and fearless. Today she was a desperate, wailing, sad, sobbing mess binging on ice cream. Tristan had no idea she loved Joey that much.  
  
"Though I smiled the tears inside were a-burning. I wished him luck and then he said goodbye... stupid jerk, stealing MY boyfriend. He was gone but still his words kept returning... what else was there for me to do but cry? TELL ME TRISTAN, WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?!"  
  
Tristan was rather scared, as Mai was waving a long spoon in the air and almost hitting him with it.  
  
"Maybe figure out WHO the guy is that took Joey, you said it was a very old friend... didn't you?"  
  
Mai, once again, wasn't listening, and instead gorging on her treat.  
  
"Would you believe... that yesterday... this boy was in my arms and swore to me, he'd be mine eternally? And Joey's the name... of his latest flame."  
  
Mai, in her distress and heartache opened sugar packet after sugar packet, hoping to quell her feelings of sadness by loading up on sucrose.  
  
"Um Mai... that's not a good idea... you can get diabetes."  
  
Tristan's words went unnoticed as Mai finished off her thirty third packet, moving on to the artificial sweetener.  
  
"Dear Lord..."  
  
"Yeah Joey's the name..." Mai downed a Sweet n' Low packet. "...of his latest flame."  
  
The restaurant manager came in and kicked Mai out of the restaurant, and Tristan went with her, feeling sorry for the sobbing girl. They wouldn't even let her take her banana split.  
  
"Oh Joey's the name... of his latest flame."  
  
"For God's sake Mai, WHO? Who stole your boyfriend from you? You sound like a damn song!"  
  
"That stupid, tall freak..."  
  
"WHO??"  
  
"Seduced my Joey like NOTHING."  
  
"WHO???!!!"  
  
VRRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!  
  
Suddenly, a rather classy looking Harley motorcycle drove by and screeched to a stop when they saw the two standing there. Sitting on the seats were none other than Joey and...  
  
"SETO??"  
  
"Hey Tristan, hey Mai."  
  
"Don't talk sweet, YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!!"  
  
"Oh, the mutt here?"  
  
Joey growled, threw Seto off the bike and kissed the hell out of him on the sidewalk. Tristan had to restrain Mai from ripping the young CEO into pieces. Once Seto held Joey at an arms distance, he spoke.  
  
"He's MINE by the way, said so himself."  
  
"I can talk you know." sputtered Joey indignantly.  
  
"That's nice."   
  
"Where'd you get the bike?" asked Tristan.  
  
"This? Malik loaned it to me."  
  
With that, the tall, blue-eyed billionaire and his blond boyfriend (look at the alliteration there!) sped off, leaving Mai and Tristan choking on their dust.  
  
"Malik eh? Well, I suppose he could be a good rebound guy..."  
  
"But he's insane!"  
  
"All the more fun!"  
  
Mai walked away happily in her small clothing, leaving Tristan wondering why Mai wouldn't want HIM as a rebound guy... although to everyone else it was obvious.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh Maaaaliiiiik..."  
  
"Mai? What are you... Aagh! Get... hey, this isn't so bad... ohhhh sweet blissssss..."  
  
"Geez you're loud."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Everyone lived happily thereafter for a little while, except for Tristan, who lived happily later on because he won the lottery. Mai figured she'd date him then, but he said no, because he was in love with Tea, and they married.  
  
Joey was Kaiba's lap dog 'till the end of time, Malik bought himself another Harley after Seto totalled his, and Mai opened an ice cream shop next to Heartbreak Hotel.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Did ya like it? I hope you did. Kudos goes out to those who can figure out what the lyrics are...were. They're all in Mai's speech.  
  
Let me know your thoughts on this piece here, and have a great day! 


End file.
